umm...

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 13:51:32 GMT

i usually know what to do. or have some direction.

i have no idea.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 01:04:00 GMT

it's that time again.

i'm getting nervous.

my stomach is flipping.

i want this week to be over.

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 21:02:49 GMT

i need to go back to school.

i am tired.

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 02:31:19 GMT

i miss scranton.

a lot.

i'm not a fan of my job at the moment.
i'm not a fan of being at home.
i need to watch everything b/c who knows what will go missing next.

i am really annoyed at the moment.
i hate how they make like this.

tomorrow i get to take the car to work.
this is the only thing that i looked forward to this week.
not even my paycheck.

lovely.

i probably should go to bed.
but first i need a shower.

peace out.

Wed, 16 May 2007 15:52:23 GMT

lets not talk about today or last night.

or tomorrow night, tonight, or tomorrow for that matter.

hey why not this week until friday?

my brain is fried.
my body might collapse.
if you see it can you please pick it up?

ho studiare italiano per il mio esame oggi.
sono... non lo so.

Andro' la biblioteca.

ciao.

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 17:42:09 GMT

things are working out really well.

i don't know how... haha

but i definitely don't mind.

this has been a very good week.

its funny how things work themselves out in the end.

hopefully it doesn't end too soon.

haha

faith

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 17:57:36 GMT

i'm sitting in the storage closet at work.
and i am thinking about my faith.

i was reading an article, haven't finished it yet, about how religion is totally out there and it doesn't exist. about how some guy is taking it up with someone that the church is committing fraud: Jesus Christ never existed. this article was atheism all the way, well to the point i read...
and then i read latter on a note on facebook from someone, announcing there stand on faith: totally for it and that it surely exists. the note also went into about how disappointed/angry he is with his church leaders, but still had his faith.

we just had holy week and easter. i'm not going to lie, i didn't go to mass on Holy Thursday and Good Friday. I went to mass on Easter. I went with one of my sisters, thats it. I got there 15 mintues early thinkign that it would be just like Christmas- packed. It wasn't. The whole back of the Church was empty. This annoyed me. But i don't know why because half the people that filled up the Church latter on where the people who only went on Easter and Christmas. Why come then? But then I think well why not? I don't know. I felt that there was no ?? i don't know the word i'm looking for. something i felt when i was little and not really now.

Little kids weren't really dressed in their Easter dresses, families were annoying and messing around with each other. No one sang, responded to the mass, or prayed. It makes me sad to see it like that.
The mass itself made me sad and mad at the same time. I felt the music could have been chosen better, participation, even the homily. The priest mentioned everyone who had gone to the tomb except the women. I'm not a women's activist or anything, but why exclude them? weren't they the ones to discover the tomb empty? maybe he didn't do it on purpose i don't know. the only nice thing i remember from the mass, is when the priest called the little kids to the alter during the consecration. when the Our Father came to say, this little girl was saying it and you could hear her. Her voice was projecting into the priests microphone, and that made me smile.

its sad to think that you receive the sacraments and you partake in the mass. you get a little older and it stops, and at some point i guess you realize that its ok. some people sooner or later than some i guess. its just like when you get a little to old to watch disney movies or something and then you realize hey i can watch it i like it. i don't know. its sad that you waste that time in between.

i do this prayer thing on wed. nights. and for the most part it is pretty cool. i like hearing what others think about their faith and their experiences. lately though i come out feeling extremely fake and dumb. like last night people were talking about Jesus and the last supper etc. And i could just not get into it. I felt everything they said was fake, or that i was fake for being there and listening. and then when it came to the discussion, people were offering really good things to the group, and then i had my say, and i was completely different which is fine i guess, but i didn't feel like i was getting my point across. which is probably true b/c i don't explain myself well. but after i gave what i had, i just felt like what are you doing here? these people are talking about something you aren't or aren't feeling. does this mean i can't be there? that my faith isn't as strong as i thought it was? i don't konw... its been bothering me. maybe i'm lying to myself about it? i would hate to think that because i think i do believe. i couldn't imagine not believeing.

i don't know.
i'm just rambling.

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 20:44:57 GMT

so lately ....

i've looked at my name written down and it looks completely foreign to me.
like is my name really mary frances?
i think its weird, even though its my name.
i like it, but sometimes i wonder if thats what may name should be.
not that i would change it or anything.

i've always have been having weird dreams.
like of me smoking.
i've never smoked in my lifed, but in my dreams i have this sensation of longing for a smoke. like breathing it in. and the warmth filling in. not that i know if that happens. its just what i think happens in my dreams.

random people have imed me. people i haven't talked to in awhile.

i've also been wanting motivation. i feel like i have none. and the only motivation i have is for me to walk up the hill so i can nap. i have no motivation sometimes to keep up with friends, family, my appearance, my work, school, or to care.

so for lent, i'm praying for motivation. and i'm going to work on motivation.
but today it seems like i'm not.

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:05:54 GMT

i would just like to say how much i love everwood.

i love bright.
i love bright and hannah together.
i love bright.

i think too much about a show that doesn't tape anymore.
oh well.

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 05:43:49 GMT

i wish i was going to italy this spring.

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 04:43:24 GMT

The good I now sought was not in things outside me, to be seen by the eye of flesh under the sun. For those that find their joy outside them easily fall into emptiness and are spilled out upon the things that are seen and the things of time, and in their starved minds lick shadows.

-augustine

i liked it and wanted to share.

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 04:37:59 GMT

my weekends are very dull.
i mean i guess i could make friends who go out, like bowling or to the movies. something.
instead i don't.
my weeekends last year didn't feel like this.
i feel like i'm cooped up in my room all weekend unless i go the gym.
i mean tonight i went to open mic night but once 11 comes around i'm bored.
i don't know.
i miss last year.

my hands are looking creepy again.

i expect too much.
people are probably having a more boring night than i am.
sorry.

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 15:35:57 GMT

i hate interpretations.
you see things one way, but unless it follows everything else you're wrong.
and you get penalized for seeing things another way.
how is that your fault when you have your own mind doing the thinking?
you have different ideas, backgrounds, reasons, and experinces that lead you to that point.
how can you say thats wrong when thats all you know?
how can you critize something when you don't explain something THE RIGHT WAY.
i hate this.

and today stinks starting from six this morning.
i hate this.

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 04:39:38 GMT

a;idfm;wiefakmia'wer

j;afoiwer;af
a;eifja;owie

akjef;iwejfqpwuiqakszv

yea.

i don'tk now....

;aoiefmoiwefmvixqpowd

i wonder what letter usually is used least when you do that random hit the letter on the keyboard thing... who knows. i think the home keys are used more often then most. it probably is just because they are more convienent.

my life is very dull at the moment with a few exceptions which are of little interest to anyone or myself.
i'm looking forward to fall break.
i think i miss my friends more this year than last.
its quite ironic too because last summer we hung out a lot more, this year was a little less. but none the less. i still miss them. and i wish i were weith them right now.

i think i'm jinxed.

peace out.

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 04:20:55 GMT

i leave soon, real soon.

on sunday to be exact.

i don't realize it.

i have work from tomorrow and forward.

i want to hang out and have fun.

i keep thinking i still have the summer.

but i don't.

i don't know how i feel about leaving.

but i don't know how i feel about staying.

i don't know what i want i want.

but i do know one thing.

and that doesn't even influence anything right now, well not yet anyway.

i'm ........

i don't know.

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 03:27:42 GMT

tonight was the format concert.
i was singing and dancing.
i was a little kid.
i had an awesome time with jenna, kate and sarah.

today is my first day off in six days.
i like work, it doesn't really bother me.
i am working almost 40 hours this week.
i can't wait for my check.

twelve more days for school.
i am excited for school.
i miss the few friends i have there.
i am nervous about my classes, i'm realizing maybe i'm not business material.

tomorrow i work from 12-8.
i get a hour for dinner.
i should get paid.
i will be happy when i get my check.

time to leave.
i am pretty tired, but awake.
i had a good day.
i got to see the baby too today.

the end.

i'm gonna sleep with the next person i meet.... haha kate... hopefully you see this here...

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 15:12:41 GMT

atttention:

i got a new job.

i'm working with my dad.

i work the cash register and i'm learning how to fit shoes.

i get a lot more hours.

i quit the daycare without notice and they were mean.

i was supposed to work five to eight, now i'm going in at one.

i get a dinner hour, but i don't get paid for it.

i go to school two weeks from sunday.

i had fun last night with kate at target and in her car.

i am sad jenna leaves a week from tomorrow.

i have to go and get ready and try to clean a little for my mom.

i'm peacing out.

this is so stupid

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 22:42:29 GMT

the phrase of this past week.

disney was good, besides the fact one of my sisters didn't want to go on any rides, didn't enjoy any of the shows and blah blah.
compaining was involved a lot of the week and decisions couldn't be made.
time was wasted on ciggarete breaks.
senior week was better, we seemed to do so much more.
anyway i had steak five nights in a row, and they were delicious.

i wrote about WHATS THE MATTER last time and i've been thinking about it

when you read WHATS THE MATTER or think about it a lot, it doesn't make a lot of sense. well at least to me. then you respond most of the time with NOTHING IS THE MATTER. and that just sounds weirder to me.
nothing is the matter.
i don't know.

i'm really hungry.

p.s. i'm glad i have my own room.

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 16:12:45 GMT

i leave for disney tomorrow.
and i am extremely annoyed.

my mom keeps asking me whats the matter.
NOTHING IS THE MATTER.
btw i keep reading that line and it sounds really wrong.
anyway, then i was like you keep asking me whats the matter. its like the fifth time you asked in a matter of ten minutes... (not really but you get the idea)
then my dad goes, sarcastically i'm sure, whats the matter?
and then i yelled again nothing is the matter. (weird)

i am in a horrible mood, and i want to get out of it.
thinking about spending a week without my own space is starting to creep up on me.
ahhhhhhhhhh
its disney though.

then my dad, last night, freaked out on me because i woulnd't give him the book of matches. i'm freaking almost 19 and he was acting like i was 12 and had matches.
i was extremely annoyed.

i hate being a freaking personal driver.
even though i've only done it 'three' times.
get out of here.

a;ioewjra;skmviewojra mwoeirmpcowk;c

i can't wait for school, and yet at the same time i don't.
i don't want to take my classes.
i'm not looking forward to taking any of them, except my theology class.
who in the right mind wants to take calculus? econ? a;iserfm;afiejr

i don't. then why am i?
because i have no idea what i would like to do.
my mind is blank when it comes to think of something i want to be.
completely blank.
i jump around too too much.
i wish i had something i was good at and could use it towards whatever i have to do.
iaj;isdfmaiew faweij;ri

sorry for this pathetic whatever you want to call it.

i'll see ya in a week...

ciao.
peace out.

you know, they don't have miserable as a mood? hmm. i'm making it my own.

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 15:01:40 GMT

ajsdifamweiceia;sdkljfioem

blah blabh blah lbah albhablahblahbhalhbalbhalbhalbh

ahh

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 14:56:43 GMT

i leave for disney on monday and i can't wait.
hopefully i will get color - whether it be red or a tan - i don't really care.

i come home from disney and there is 20 days left before i leave for school.
i'm thinking during those last couple of weeks summer may take a turn for the better, but i can't be sure. last year was kind of like that. everyone realized hey we are leaving, lets hang out.
but you kind of think we would have learned from last year that you can't save all the get to gethers for the last couple of days. you should have them all summer long. i can't say that i have tried a whole lot. it just gets frustrating becuase everyone has something they have to do - sleep, work, eat, shower. we are young and these things shouldn't matter, but they do because we realize there are things after this summer we have to think about and worry about. i'm not saying we should, but it's always there. can't we have both?

i don't know if we can. for example, i have a part time job. i work 15 hours a week and earn minimum wage. it's hard to think about how you can save money for the future when you have to take care of the present. stupid car insurance, phone, books for schoool... etc.. but since i do only work part-time and sometimes babysit, i still don't have that 'crazy summer' most kids my age do. why? well i guess i'm not entirely too crazy and when i'm not doing anythging other people are.

so i don't for the most part have both. i'm not saving a dime this summer, and i just had a week where i didn't see three friends, let a lone talk to them. how is that to be explained? - everyone has something they have to do - sleep, work, eating, showering, or just moping around. i think i spelled the m word wrong.

this is long and boring, sorry to put you through all of this.

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 03:12:57 GMT

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 22:39:21 GMT

summer can be so lame it's not even funny
yet i feel like its summer when i'm by myself in a car driving on 95.
wind blowing my hair and air coming through the car and the hot temp.
that is the best part of summer.

this weekend will probably be the 2nd.
i'm going to long island to see liana and i can't wait.
then i come home sunday and wait a week till i leave for disney.
then i come home and live here for 20 days and i leave for school.

summer is almost over, and we have wasted days like every other summer.
hopefully things turn around, probably not, but hey.

peace out.

dreadlocks

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 00:01:11 GMT

i want them.
i don't know why.
but i want them.
i think it would be cool.
something different for a change.
but there is other stuff i want to do with my hair.
i want to donate it to locks of love...
and i want dreadlocks.
if i do the dreadlocks... i'll have to either shave my head (interesting) or they said something about cutting all but two inches, which could also be interesting.
then i would just have to wait until forever to donate my hair.
but i would like to do the dreadlocks, if i do them, before i get tooo old for them. well in my eyes anyway.
they could be ready before christmas. nice ones too.
i probably would look funny with them, but i really like them.
i have no idea why, they just are really cooollllllllllll.
you clean them too.
they aren't dirty.
oh man.

i pretty much

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 17:06:58 GMT

s u c k a t l i f e

well for at least today...

and some of this summer, and this past year.

i have a stupid job where i make no money and get 15 hours a week.

my aunt pays me more, and i shouldn't be paid by her because she is my aunt.

i keep waiting for something to happen and it won't.